Production, Check

I finished shooting my senior film a little over a week ago now. All in all, it was a lot of fun. Friday - the Epic Cafe night shoot - was the best. We were only doing two scenes that night, and had plenty of time to do it. I got to spend a lot of time working with my actors, and Adam, my gaffer, set up this ridiculous little rig. By 6am, I was a little delusional, but happy none the less.

Sunday was a little bit more stressful. We had about 13 shots to do in a day in a pretty tight space. The owner of the apartment was an hour and a half late... needless to say, I was a little worried. But, despite the stress, we finished and made it back to my house at 9pm for a wrap dinner.

Tuesday night, I headed to the lab to capture and organize all of my footage. I got an assembly edit done that night, and I'm pretty happy with the overall result. It's funny to think that it's almost November and my film is all ready for post production.

So, in the mean time? Three more shoots - one easy, one medium, and one complicated. And I'm still on the infamous search for a job (that I can stand going to). I'll be filling out a single grad school application and I'll start looking for some potential post-grad industry jobs.

For a while, I was saying that I was ready to leave Tucson - I was ready to finish school and move on with my life. But right now, I'm happy here. Things are slow. Things are strange. But, for the time being, I like it that way. I'm in the moment, which is a pretty good place to be.

As Always,

Mo

Currently Watching: The Notebook, then...

Recently Watched: 3:10 to Yuma, Mildred Pierce, Some Like It Hot, The Proposal, Ever After, Benjamin Button, and Sunshine Cleaning

And the nightmares have begun...

Last night I had two very vivid dreams.

The first was about my senior film. My crew and I were on set for shooting day 1. I didn't realize we were shooting that day and hadn't even seen the script. Jessica, the 2nd AD from Capture the Flag, was my 1st AD on the shoot. She told me that the first bit of the day would be an intense conversation between an adult male and a kid inside of a vivid house. I realized instantly that I forgot to cast the adult male or secure the location for the vivid house. So I thought quick - I told her we would just shoot super tight CU's of the kid and add the adult's voice over in post. She told me that was a good idea so she allowed the crew to unload the truck and stage all of the equipment. I was just about to get the kid to rehearse, but then I realized I didn't cast him either. So I started calling every actor I knew, but no one was available. I checked the script with Jessica, but all of the scenes required multiple actors. I didn't know what to do and I didn't want to dissapoint my crew.

I woke up. A few minutes later, I went back to sleep only to have another bad dream.

It was a Friday, and Katie, some strangers and I went on this rollercoaster in the middle of a forest. Before we got on, we got a call that Sarah had died in a freak elevator accident. She was in Tucson on Thursday night, going from the 30th floor down to the ground when the cable snapped and she plummeted to her death. So, we all went to her memorial. I couldn't stop crying, but it was a weird type of cry - I wasn't making crying noises, and tears were leaking from all over my face. It was like I was sweating tears. Anyway, at the memorial, I didn't recognize anyone accept for a few BFA who were on the otherside of the hall. I left early because I didn't want to see the casket (they freak me out) so I started to walk home. On my way home, I called George to see why he wasn't there. He told me he was sick and drunk (two things I've never seen him be) and when I asked him why he didn't go to Sarah's memorial, he said "Sarah's a great girl, but she got mad at me on Wednesday." I was really confused, and the phone disconnected so I called Katie. She told me that her and the BFA were headed back to the rollercoaster to celebrate Sarah's life. She asked me if I wanted to come, but I didn't want to.

I woke up a second time. School hasnt' even started yet and the nightmares have already began. It's gonna be a long semester.

Less-Than-Three You, Monique
Listening to: Balto

Let A Man Do It

The Set House

I just got back from Glens Falls. The shoot was perfect.

Tuesday:

On my way to meet the caravan, I got caught in the effing rain, just like I predicted and accidentally walked through Harlem. We stopped along the way and I bought some boots - the best $25 of my life, even if they are now covered in mud. Along the way, the producer mentioned that Adam said he might stay with me in the city. My first response to his name was "I am so terribly in love with him." This led to an awkward look and some fun time for me. I spent most of the trip faking like I was head over heels for Adam, and that he came to New York so that we could work things out. It was great and he was a good sport. Anyway, we made it to the hotel, I met with Adam for a total of 5 minutes, during which time I couldn't stop smiling and rocking back and forth with glee, much like a 6 year old. I adore him to pieces.

Wednesday:

This was our one day of prep. Anne, the Production Designer,* had me cover a chair... Adam didn't believe that I did it cause it was so sexy. We also prepped the house and some of the hero props. The labels and the faux cigarette packages were amazing. That night, we had a group dinner, where I saw Mulcahy, whom they forced me to call Michael. Needless to say, I avoided saying his name altogether, and the one time I had to, I called him "Mike, Michael." It was awkward. Later, I made Adam go to the pool with me. He sat and watched me for a good 10 minutes, and then bailed. I would've stayed longer, but a gaggle of 12 year old girls came in running and giggling. I bailed.**

Art!

Thursday:

Day one of the shoot. I met Joe*** the property master. I spent some of the day on the prep set, but at one point, Anne sent me to work with Joe on the actual shoot. He had a machetti and let me play with it. I was happy. That night, I headed back to the hotel and came up with a new script idea and an alternative idea to the one I already wrote. I ran all three by Adam, the original, the innovated and the new, and with his help, I cleaned up the innovation even more. Some impromptu 2am discussions brought further script developments, but I'll leave that for another post.

Friday:

Joe hurt his back and was late to set. He told Anne to let me run property for set. A few hours later, Joe popped in on set and watched me for a while. Later he pulled me aside and told me I had a knack for this and he wouldn't have let me run props if he didn't trust me. This gave me a little well needed confidence seeing that Joe has no problem ripping people to shreds, even girls (another story for another day). ****

Saturday:

Joe was back, so we worked together. We got the vintage cars - 5 of them. I changed out the plates so that they were the right time period, and Joe let me use the machetti; he could tell how fond I was of it. During down time, Adam and I talked about the actors, particularly "Legs" and "Shorts." Of course, others took our giggling and whispers as further hints affirming our love. Classy.

Kevin Black, the director's husband and actor, talked to me about the senior BFA class, noting that our reputation precedes us. When he asked me why my class was so good, I responded by saying "We tell unique stories, we are comfortable with the equipment and we are technically dedicated to making good work." His co-actor, the sexy Scott Cohen, said he could tell because of my confidence on set.**** He later stalked Adam. Interesting man.

On the way home, I had a mildly awkward ride with Joe for several reasons, but mainly due to an error on our part. We forgot to replace one of the plates. It was 2:30am, and we were 45 minutes from set. Boo. Note, we found this out after Joe gave me a longer version of the "you should seriously consider this as a career option" speech. Epic Fail.

This set was super calm, even if we were behind. Champs.

Sexy cars. I want that soft blue one.

Makeshift Art/Prop set truck.

Sunday:

Joe went to the ER for his back. Once again, I got to run set entirely on my own. I got pissed momentarily when I experienced some brief womanizing moments on set. The big one came in the form of Craig. I was trying to cut a branch with these dull sheers to replace a broken flag stick, because an HGTV carpenter look-a-like decided to gank my machetti. The problem? I couldn't cut it quick enough. Craig yelled "Let a man do it!" My face went red hot and I had to bite my tongue from saying "Do it yourself, you old fuck."***** Skyler however snuck in an told him off for the comment. I understood what he truly meant, but the way he said it, and the fact that it was in front of the entire crew made me pissed for a good hour or so. Later, I helped Anne with some set dressing and aging a few props. By 9pm, the shoot was wrapped and we had a quick party regardless of our exhaustion and loaded the trucks as quickly as possible. I said goodbye to Adam, who was leaving that night, and headed back to the hotel to get some sleep.

Monday:

6am. Coffee and a doughnut. Anne, Joe, some PA's and I headed to set for break down. We knocked it out in 2 hours. I met Joe's wife briefly and he gave me his card, saying that if I ever needed anything, ask. Thank you. Once we got back into the city, Sarah, the other Art PA, and I headed down to Greenwich Village, which is an experience that I have to explore some more.

Overall:

-I learned to HATE headsets.

-If it's a small set/ non union set, help other departments if you have down time/aren't a key. They'll love you and have your back later. This is particularly true when it is raining and everyone wants to get the hell out of dodge.

-I could do art and be very happy. I could do prop and be very happy. I could live in New York and have a job and be very happy. This set made me ready to work and collaborate on other projects this semester and in the future.

-"There's a train leaving in the morning. I guess I expected too much."

-Sexual innuendo's about Gazebo's completely negate any comment made on a mans penis size.

-Fireflies sometimes have green lights and are easy to catch.

-Your teachers really don't know everything, but some *cough* Mulcahy *cough* are still champs on set.

-New York is obtainable. Mixing film and family is possible. And a little luck and a little hard work do go a long way.

-A rat trap and some mylar are all you need to recreate a gunshot blowing out a window.

---->-@

Being back, this city feels different. With a little less than a week to go, I've realized that in a year, I wouldn't mind living here at all. This place is starting to feel like home. Tomorrow, some of the crew and I are heading to the museum. Wednesday is my last day at work. Thursday my mom arrives. Friday is a concert and some exploring. And Saturday, I head back to Phoenix, arriving at Sky Harbor at 9:30pm. Until then, I'm gonna enjoy these last bitter sweet moments, and worry about the future in a week from now. And no matter where the rest of this summer goes, what I've done so far has been amazing.

People often tell me that I come off as confident. What they don't realize is that it's because I'm comfortable in the things I don't care about, which is most everything. But when it comes to the only two things I do care about - film and relationships - I'm a hot mess. I feel like a failure in both, a child in both, incapable and unworthy in both most of the time. But after my experiences this summer, I'm starting to see the two in a clearer light. I'm not so nervous and not so unsure anymore. I see what I deserve and realize what I need. And that hope I had on the first night of this blog - the hope to cash in my ticket for a life changing experience - well, if this was it, it was worth every penny.

Less-Than-Three You, Monique

Listening to: My Moon My Man - Feist

Footnotes:

*Anne Stuhler is amazing. She could have become a pro tennis player. She turned down a job on "Elf" because her daughter was graduating high school. And, she makes her own furniture and paints. What I learned from that woman is invaluable.

**Adam came down to the pool later and confused me with a 12 year old. Fuck that.

***Joe is crazy and amazing. He is covered in tat's and owns a tortise. He isn't afraid to tell off anyone, even Craig, the AD. He talks a lot of shit and taught me to use a machetti. This man made me have faith in being a filmmaker and a female on set, even if Craig didn't.

****This set was really good for me in that for the first time, I have confidence in what I'm doing. It was well needed after last semester and after working with my ridiculously talented class. Love you, boo's!!

*****All my respect for the man was lost during this set, not only because of the comment, but because, well, "I guess I expected too much." And if I ever hear the phrase "let a man do it" again, regardless of intent, I swear to God someone is gonna get socked in the fucking face.

Capture the Flag

the view from my bed

I woke up this morning to the sound of rain coming down, heavy enough. I stumbled out of bed and over to the window to make sure. The sky was a cool grey, the red brick walk up and the tree outside my window were brilliant with color - my favorite effect of the rain. But, today, it's not welcome. Sometime (relatively soon) I have to put on my clothes, grab my suitcase and hop on the subway to 125th to run, no walk some errands until 3pm. I really should've packed my rain boots.

Today is day one of the shoot. I get the task of picking up some labels at a man's house so that we can greek some beer bottles. I also get the task of seeing Adam. I prefer the latter.

In a weeks time, I'll be returning to the city for my last 4 days. The dingy, smelly, claustrophobic city I love so much where I'm allowed to smoke and people walk just as fast as me. The city that has cupcakes, movie stars, Arafat scarves and a certain hobo that called me a cunt bitch. The city where a man will holler at you, tell you you're beautiful, despite the fact that he knows he won't be getting laid tonight - at least by you. And I mustn't forget the free concerts, free art and the free entertainment from a cousin I still hardly know. I'll miss it.

Though the countdown has begun - 1 week on a shoot upstate, 4 days in New York, 2 weeks at home, 1 year in Tucson, then real life - I'm pretty sure I'm gonna try to enjoy every second I have left.

Less-Than-Three You, Monique

Listening to: Electric Feel - MGMT, and other rain appropriate music

Dear Monique,

It's 2:01 here, making it 5:01 in New York - happy Friday afternoon.

I was planning on responding to your letter earlier in the day, but I didn't expect to have something to do the moment I got into the office. Friday's are the best days in the office because Melissa is here interning as well, and because we get free bagels. As always, when I come in first thing in the morning I check in with my supervisor to see what needs to be done. He pointed me in the direction of the bays to help one of the shoots organize their wrap and said that Melissa was already over there helping. We spent the first few hours of our day organizing the talent and payroll sections of their wrap book and got free lunch out of the deal. Right now we're just chilling, waiting for another task to pop up. Melissa is falling asleep next to me but I don't want to wake her up. Teehee. 

It's interesting how you say that those things are over. I don't picture babywine, cupcakes, and John laying on our floor being over at all. I picture the next year being pretty much exactly as it was (minus a cat and plus a Tom) with babywine, cupcakes, et al. It's the fact that the year can continue as always and then it will end suddenly that makes me so bummed, but I never considered a real change to our lives once back in Tucson. 

Brandon is leaving tomorrow for Tahoe for the rest of the summer so we are having a farewell dinner for him tonight. Our tribe is shrinking quickly. We all still hope for an Alex return but no news yet. Katie and I are the next ones scheduled to leave, we're heading back to Tucson on the 29th. I'm not at all okay with how fast the summer is moving. There is too much left to do- and too much left to not do. 

I read your script. It was a definite mess of ideas, but a lovely one. I'm excited to see what elements you pull out of it for more refined draft. There's too much going on in the draft I read to discuss now, but that means there is plenty to work with. My script is...a script. I've written two completely different stories out of the same idea. There's a chance I'll write several more completely different scripts before figuring out which elements I want to keep from each. I also made things interesting by telling Jesse that if he writes the script idea he's been talking about and I like it better than my best attempt at a script I might make it. Who knows. 

Be well and happy. Despite random freakouts about the future, I have been able to be both of those things. I don't even mind the stress about the future, I'm embracing the fact that we're all at least a little masochistic because it's the things that keep you up at night that are worth pursuing. 

Love,

Sarah 

P.S. Though I am sad you didn't get very close to the action at the HP premiere, at least you didn't get swine flu from the Weasley boy. 

Life is moving too fast.

I told myself early on in the summer that there would be a moratorium on stress while I was here. For the most part, I've been far from perfect at that but still better than expected. There have been some frets about the senior film, about money, about health, and some other small things that I managed to keep a low freak-out level about, but overall I haven't really been full on stressing. When it comes down to it, and I when I follow the George method of diagnosing anxiety, my F stress right now is: Fast-moving life. 

It's all going by far too quickly; this summer, the past year, my college experience, everything. I'm terrified to start the school year because I'm very scared that one it begins I will have to very difficult endings. The first will be a larger-scale repeat of what Katie and I termed last semester, "postpartum depression" i.e. the awful feeling both of us got immediately after our shoot ended. All of that work and stress and effort gone after one quick weekend left us feeling pretty darned bummed, and I know that this feeling is inevitable this year. 

The second ending is the obvious one. The graduation one. The one in which our little family breaks up and moves away from each other. It's likely that most of them will end up in LA, but what about my Mo, she's a NY gal. I don't want to have to chose between which friends I want to live with. I used to be very adamant about not choosing my location in life based on where other people are. Boston to Tucson was a random ass move. I didn't know a single person in the city and I knew I was going to be leaving friends. The result of that has been staying in touch with very few people and feeling extremely bored when back in the Boston area. My life is in Tucson now. But for whatever reason I don't feel as ready to move away from people in Tucson as I was people back home. It's not an issue of caring about people more or less, but this time around I don't feel as confident in choosing where I want to be just for me. I don't even know where the 'for me' place is. 

I've been telling everybody who asks (random people back home, from school, people at my internship, random crew on set) that I still like to think that I could be anywhere a year from now. I want to believe that's true, but I know I have been eyeing everyplace I go as a possible place to make a regular return to and I know I've participated in many conversations with other BFAers about here regarding "when we're all living out here next year" with more than just a hypothetical approach. 

I think what is most troubling to me is that I actually am starting to figure out what I want to do "when I grow up" and I'm scared that the starting point for that is far too close for comfort. 

Bye kids,

Sarah 

Kumquats and Other Silly Things

I still can't believe that it took me a whole month to get myself to the Santa Monica Farmers' Market. I still can't believe I've already been here a whole month - but that's a different story. In another example of how living in Santa Monica is like living with rose colored glasses (that block out the view of smog, traffic, homeless people) and will certainly give me a jaded view of living in LA, Katie and I walked to the farmers market. The fact that we have places to walk to (with nice scenery on the way) is impressive enough, but being walking distance from good food puts me over the top. 

I assumed that since the Farmers' Market is every Wednesday, Saturday, and Sunday that the Wednesday turn out would be light, but instead it was packed and there were so many tents in all different directions that Katie and I decided to do a loop around the entire place before buying anything. It was all a big tease, considering that the guest house we're living in has a kitchen consisting of a hot plate, toaster over, microwave, and mini-fridge which freezes half of our food (we were thrilled to discover that our milk had frozen yet our ice cream was completely melted). It was a little upsetting being around all that amazing food and knowing that we have no way to prepare or cook any of it in our little home. 

We ended up buying some fresh guacamole - I considered buying the ingredients to make guacamole instead but Katie pointed out we lack bowls and knives scarp enough to cut anything beyond butter. I also bought a bag of Kumquats and a variety of stone fruit. I was always a berry girl, but since I can't eat them too often anymore I've been venturing out in my fruit buying. There must have been at leave 20 stands with plums, peaches, nectarines, and apricots and we had at least 1 sample at all of them. I also had my first raw oyster after finding a booth that was shucking fresh ones. I've been reading Saucier's Apprentice, which not only makes me extremely hungry every time I pick it up, but after a scene describing the author's first raw oyster experience I couldn't resist getting one, even if they were 2 dollars per 1 little half shell. It was delicious. 

The halfway point of the summer is pretty mellow. Ellie and Tarreyn came down last weekend and the girls all went out for a cupcake raid of Sprinkles and Crumbs. Box, Jesse, and Mike are all possible visitors for the next month, and there is also rumored excitement about a triumphant return of Mr. Alex. I've fell into a nice rhythm here. I'm comfortable at my internship, I go for a walk by the beach every afternoon, and I have time to read and work on my script without feeling rushed.

Still, when I contemplate if I could live here in a year I start to get nervous. I could definitely call this city home for some amount of time. When I'm honest with myself, I could probably get used to living in any big city, but there are certainly things here that I really enjoy. But despite enjoying my internship it's given me some perspective about how the industry really works here and I don't know how happy it makes me. 

There are three routes: 1) You move out and say "I want to direct and only direct" and less than 1% of people who say this actually succeed and the rest fall back on something else. 2) You can work your way up the production ladder starting as a PA. The problem with this is a lot of people who aspired to be directors or DPs get stuck as grips and ACs permanently because they get too good at the jobs in the middle.  3) You can get a job at a production company and work your way up in the office. This is what I'm experiencing first hand, an office filled with people who mostly wanted to work in production or Direct but instead work closely with planning and dealing with productions but are never on set. Even if you work your way up in the company you pretty much get a bigger paycheck, but no real set time. The people in the office in their mid-20s all seem so bogged down that it's like they forgot or don't have the energy to pursue their original goals. This last option seems the most likely for me, but I'm not exactly sure I like what I'm observing and people who've gone down that road. 

During a long phone call with George the other night he said that most of what people stress about can be divided into F's: Friends, Family,  Food, Funds, Fucking, Film, Future.  This post has gotten absurdly long, and really should have been two separate entries, but I guess it properly sums up my current thoughts, though: food and future. Oh, and Free Willy, which Katie is currently watching. 

Bye kids,

Sarah