Pout Pout

Okay. I'm back. Back here for a quick rant. Let's rant.

I'm not all that into my project anymore. Perhaps it's because I'm bummed that it is an adaptation. I wanted to do something I created, from the ground up. Perhaps it's because I'm shooting in a month. This short term schedule feels like junior films all over again. Perhaps it's because the walls are grey in my two primary shooting spaces. I don't like the color scheme and I can't change it and I don't know where else to shoot, or how to rectify it.*

Maybe it's the money. Because, once again, the fucking money is coming into play. I can't put too much cash into this project for the main reason that I have none. None. Zero. Zilch. Not only that, but I'm trying to save up to move to New York,** the most expensive city in the country, in August.  If I could find a job, which hasn't happened yet, it doesn't really matter at this moment in time, because... well, where is the time?

I agreed to work on a bunch of projects, and I'm excited about it, I am. But I took on some big roles in a few of them... roles that require pre-production, roles that require me to actually do good, strong work. I want to do good work. I hate half-assing it and putting out shit.*** But, the point is, keeping my mind organized is proving difficult. Structuring my project, thinking about others, doing bull shit school work, worrying about a job, making time for my mates and family,**** and trying to figure out how in God's name I'm going to get to New York and get a job next year is starting to psych me out.

I'm not freaking. I'm really not. If anything, I'm removed. I'm numb to the idea - which will only fuck me in the long run. All I want to do is take one thing at a time: work on my film, focus on my project, do a good job and get it done. Then I'll be ready for the next. Multi-tasking is no longer my strong suit. I miss those days....

 

Okay, okay. I guess it's not really time that's a problem. I can find time. Life isn't too crazy yet. It's more of motivation. I have so little, which is surprising because I came off of summer with so much. I feel alone. I feel like I'm making this film alone, or I feel segregated from those who are making it with me. I want the team sport. I want my Jillian nights where we collaborated and it was intense and there was wine involved. This isn't how movies are made.

I need a producer. Producing your own movie is dumb. And I need someone to cuddle with. And when we cuddle, they'll say, "Monique, stop worrying. You've got this." Do they have an inspirational cuddle section on Craigslist?

Pout done.

(lovesies)

-Mo

Footnotes:

*Momentarily. Once I de-frustrate, I'll be good to go.

**Yes, I've decided. I'm happiest there.

***sorry for the double poop reference

****who bitch, bitch, bitch about my "distanced" behavior. I got a lot on my mind, boo's!

The quiet before the storm

It's Monique here, live from Scottsdale.

I went home this weekend for the annual check up (that had to get rescheduled due to the New Mexico trip) and to visit my mom. The weekend was pretty nice. I had some mild shenanigans. I hung with my brother and his girlfriend... it was a night of licks and flicks, my favorite combination. I had some well needed alone time. And, I did a bunch of errands that I've been putting off. I even managed to be mildly productive, as I spent a good chunk of time prepping for the epic casting call we are holding this weekend.

I think that's what I really need right now... my actors. I have a location locked, and am a bit surprised and nervous at how easy it was to lock a model studio for a few days. I have one more location that needs tending to, and then I'll be set. Once I have my locations, dressing is easy enough to deal with... but the actors, that's the wild card. 

In my flick, the performance is really the make or break of the whole piece. To a degree, performance always is, but it is especially so in my case. Perhaps my nerves about performance are a combination of the strange relationship that my characters have and the fact that the rest of my crew is super competent; I'm not even stressed about those details (which is terribly nice in a way, nerve wracking in another).

I think that's enough "wild mind" for today.

Lovesies,

Mo

Currently watching: "I Love You, Man" 

A last minute change of plans

Vicky called me this afternoon and asked me if I wanted to do NALIP in Santa Fe. It starts today, and the girl who was supposed to go back out at the last minute.

I agreed, and am heading to Tucson tonight, leaving for Santa Fe tomorrow, and won't be back until the 22nd. I have absolutely no idea what I'm getting myself into. We'll see...

Less-Than-Three You, Monique
Listening to: Spin City

And the nightmares have begun...

Last night I had two very vivid dreams.

The first was about my senior film. My crew and I were on set for shooting day 1. I didn't realize we were shooting that day and hadn't even seen the script. Jessica, the 2nd AD from Capture the Flag, was my 1st AD on the shoot. She told me that the first bit of the day would be an intense conversation between an adult male and a kid inside of a vivid house. I realized instantly that I forgot to cast the adult male or secure the location for the vivid house. So I thought quick - I told her we would just shoot super tight CU's of the kid and add the adult's voice over in post. She told me that was a good idea so she allowed the crew to unload the truck and stage all of the equipment. I was just about to get the kid to rehearse, but then I realized I didn't cast him either. So I started calling every actor I knew, but no one was available. I checked the script with Jessica, but all of the scenes required multiple actors. I didn't know what to do and I didn't want to dissapoint my crew.

I woke up. A few minutes later, I went back to sleep only to have another bad dream.

It was a Friday, and Katie, some strangers and I went on this rollercoaster in the middle of a forest. Before we got on, we got a call that Sarah had died in a freak elevator accident. She was in Tucson on Thursday night, going from the 30th floor down to the ground when the cable snapped and she plummeted to her death. So, we all went to her memorial. I couldn't stop crying, but it was a weird type of cry - I wasn't making crying noises, and tears were leaking from all over my face. It was like I was sweating tears. Anyway, at the memorial, I didn't recognize anyone accept for a few BFA who were on the otherside of the hall. I left early because I didn't want to see the casket (they freak me out) so I started to walk home. On my way home, I called George to see why he wasn't there. He told me he was sick and drunk (two things I've never seen him be) and when I asked him why he didn't go to Sarah's memorial, he said "Sarah's a great girl, but she got mad at me on Wednesday." I was really confused, and the phone disconnected so I called Katie. She told me that her and the BFA were headed back to the rollercoaster to celebrate Sarah's life. She asked me if I wanted to come, but I didn't want to.

I woke up a second time. School hasnt' even started yet and the nightmares have already began. It's gonna be a long semester.

Less-Than-Three You, Monique
Listening to: Balto

Sex on Fire

Adam and the crew, doing it. Look at that mack. Owh!

You know you're from Arizona when its 105 outside and you still wear a sweater.

That's code for "I'm back," by the way.

Yup, so I'm home and am terribly surprised that I'm not phased by the change at all. Usually, a change of scenery like this blows me away, but just like my entrance into New York, my exit was smooth. I'm not even antzy to get back to Tucson, which is a regular emotion for me when I find myself trapped in my parents house in this one horse town. Yes, I believe that was the first time I've used that phrase. Enjoy.

My mom came Thursday, and we bascially did New York in 48 hours. I think we hit every major district south of 81st. We saw museums, churches, fashion and photography galleries, parks, Kings of Leon live, the Statue of Liberty, Ground Zero, Crumbs, fabric stores, Times Square, Lincoln Center, and so on, and so on. We walked till our feet bled. Boom. Best part of that trip? When she told off a guy for hollering at me:*
Guy: (gives me the up down) Oh, so cute, girl. Mhmm
Mom: (angry voice) Cut it out! Filthy old man
Oh, and she definately befriend a cop. My mom's a champ.

I think I've got the script. I mean it this time. Mr. Oliver has been using his free time to assist a couple of the classmates on their films. The help I received was in the form of a lot of inspirational material, lots of potential scripts (including a brief one he wrote based on my original concept), and some 'tough love.'** I was more or less set on working with George's script, seeing that I was 80% happy with it, and it utilized a lot of original concepts I wanted. But then, I began reading some of the inspiration material he used. He told me the concept was reflective of a graphic novel by Brian Wood called "Channel Zero." When I went to the used bookstore with Yvette, I saw one of his other books, so I figured I'd check it out. Inside was a perfect short for an adaptation. It has a great structure and the character has a similar feeling to the one I initially wrote, but she is in a situation related to an earlier idea - a perfect mix of my two ideas... but done a thousand times better. So, I'm gonna work on an adaptation and, hopefully, it will be doable. Worst case scenario, I go back to George's script - which isn't a bad deal at all.

For the next two weeks, I'm gonna chill here in Scottsdale and get everything in order. It's back to the job hunt - though I might have a gig at the end of the month.*** I need to work on the film (which will be there for the rest of the semester). This may involve a trip to Arcosanti. I've got some minor housekeeping details, ie, bills, laundry, sewing, etc. And I want to see some friends that are in town before I head back to Tucson. This was a pretty sweet and smooth summer... lets hope the Tucson transition is the same.

Oh! One last note! The "Capture the Flag" shoot has a flickr page. Check them out! And Sarah, darling, you can see Skyler's big-headed, blue eyed baby right here. Imagine that thing comming out of your lady parts (Owh! Deal, audience, deal). And $20 goes to whoever correctly identifies "Shorts" and "Legs" first. Go!

Less-Than-Three You, Monique
Listening to: (in my head) My Moon My Man - Feist

Footnotes:
*Ladies, if you haven't already been to NY, be prepared to hear more compliments and more insults than you ever have in your life. Regardless of what you look like or what you're wearing, there is a NY man waiting to holler.
**It's been a summer of 'tough love.' Beside Mr. Oliver, I'd like to thank Mrs. Dias, Mr. Locke, Mr. Jones, Ms.Laughlin, Mr. Hulsey and (briefly, as requested) Ms. Haber. BMD, BMU.
***Film kids! If you want to hop on a paid short in Phoenix, let me know.

Independence

I left Tucson on Saturday and headed home to Scottsdale. My mom wanted to see me before I left for New York, so here I am, trapped in this nonsensical place til Sunday. My mom leaves for North Carolina tomorrow morning, so I figured this would be the perfect time to complete my roadtrip to LA to visit the BFAers. Wednesday to Saturday in LA, Sunday to August in NY... sounds good right?

I have all the means of doing this trip... funding, a car, time and directions. The opposition? My mother. She doesn't want me to do it. "Think about the mileage, the waste of money... I'm uncomfortable with this." So what do I do? I'm 20 years old, I pay for my schooling and I'm pretty responsible all in all. But I'm not fully independent. What happens if I go to LA anyway? Are the consequences of still being in the nest worth it?

This makes me wish that I was fully independent. Financially, that is. A simple job would take care of that, right? What's harder is that I realize that this is just the beginning of the problem. What am I going to do in the future? We are entering an unstable industry where jobs come and go more frequently than lovers; how the hell am I going to be financially independent then? Now that's a sad realization. So if we don't reach a level of success in this industry that guarantees us a form of stability - a regular influx of projects - what the fuck are we to do?

Our friend Allen has been out of film school for a year now and he finally has a comfortable job with benefits at Starbucks. He loves it, but his concerns come in the idea that he just spent four years studying something that he currently isn't utilizing simply due to the need for stability. He needs to go to LA. He needs to find work. He needs to show his talent. But he needs to pay bills, too. You can't argue with that.

I guess the only thing we can do is decide what we need to do and do our best. I need to go to LA (now) and I need to work in film (later). All that's left is the action.

Less-Than-Three You, Monique
Listening To: a mix of Spoon and my brother, Ryan, spinning DnB.